My Kid's a Klutzy Numbskull.
.
I love this child. No I REALLY do! I swear! I spent months holding him, singing to him, pacing the floor while he was a sick baby. He beat the odds just getting here through the pregnancy. But he's now beating the odds staying here, 'cause there are times I want to beat him senseless.

It's not hereditary as far as I can tell, but I'll be advising him against having any children. Actually the klutz part isn't in the genes, but I would venture (not far) to say the numbskull part is. You just need to know my family.

Then again, you better not.

He's my middle son, full of (un?)promise, and 5.5 years old. He's book smart but extremely stoopid when it comes to social graces, manners and common sense.

His body just sort of flails around and we have to tell him to pull his limbs back in before walking. He's no clue why he keeps running into things. When he was a baby, if there was a sharp corner, he'd hit it with his head. Could be 12 foot of space all around him, but his head would find and smash any hard object.

He jumped on my bed how many times? I told him not to. Reminded him of the carnage. But every time I turned around, he'd jump again .. and systematically catapult himself off the bed and into the bed frame or heater. I had ice packs and gauze in my top drawer for such occasions because he's a bleeder - tired of having to run to the bathroom to get them every day.

Someday if he loses his hair, or shaves his head, he'll have about 50 tiny scars all over patterned like Morse code.

Now at 5 he has early onset alzheimers. He forgets everything in mere moments after being told. There are times when I feel like grabbing the Snausages 'cause I swear it's like training a perky puppy, minus the pee puddles on the floor.

I'll say, "These are for the living room"
In 2 seconds he'll say, "Mom, are those for the livingroom?"

He falls UP the stairs a lot. No, more like every day.

Sometimes 4 times a day.

He can't seem to learn to slow down when taking the 4 steps out of the livingroom. His shins are so black and blue, I wonder if they'll ever pink up again. Then he has the nerve to stare at me as if I knocked him over. He gets a hurt look in his eyes like he can't understand why he just fell. Again. For the third time today. The third time in two hours.

How many times can ONE kid fall up the same stairs before he learns to stop?

He was playing basketball and ran into a car the other day. How do you run your face into the bumper of a car? How do you not notice a CAR is there, and how do you then bend at the waste and run full force into the bumper?

His face blew up to this horrid size with a grotesque color and 4 hours of Emergency Room smell later, it was, "Use ice. Are you sure the car wasn't moving?"

We were asked that three times. It looked that bad.

He had enough wherewithall to dicker with the doc over an x-ray. He wanted radiation dammit! He felt he deserved it after what he'd been through.

My little boy is gullible. They named the word after him. My husband has spent many years now playing jokes on Alex that he just never "gets".

But man do I love this kid. He wasn't supposed to be here. He wasn't supposed to make it to birth alive or intact. He was oh so sick. And now? He's all mine. I can do what I want with him. Like hold him, hug him and nurse his wounds.

And tell him Daddy's just kidding. We don't use poop flavored swizzle sticks in the hot chocolate.

- posted by Ginxy @ 4/20/2004 12:20:00 PM